Eating disorders are serious life threatening illnesses, and they do not discriminate regardless of age, race, gender identity, sexual orientation, or background. Most often you cannot infer from the outside an individual is struggling with an eating disorder. The thought that weight is the only indicator someone is struggling, can perpetuate the secrecy and shame surrounding the struggle. Once you pull back the shade around this stigma, you can then keep an eye out for the warning signs.
Supporting a loved one who is struggling with an eating disorder can be frightening and overwhelming; however, connection and communal support are key to recovery. Here are some quick tips to consider if you want to provide care for someone struggling with an eating disorder:
Tip #1 Educate yourself and make a plan: It can be difficult to approach your loved one about their eating disorder. There can be a lot of fear and emotions involved, so it is important to feel prepared. Prepare what you want to say and how. Invest in further reading about eating disorders to gain a deeper understanding and compassion for the struggle your loved one is experiencing. Avoid suggestions, and general statements like, “you need to stop.” Map out your key main points, then find a private location and time to talk (How to help a loved one. (2017, February 26).
Tip # 2 Approach with care: The pain your loved one is experiencing can be rooted in deep shame. It is vital to approach from a neutral and loving standpoint. Be sure to use I-statements, like, “I notice you are going to the gym a lot, and I am worried about you. I want to find a way to help you” (Eating disorders: Common warning signs. (2021, June 7).
Tip #3 Don’t give up: Know that they might not initially accept your support, but do not give up. It is important to find the balance between compassion and assertiveness, as getting them the help they need is vital. Allow space for them to express their potential worries, and offer to make the first treatment phone call with them (Eating disorders: Common warning signs. (2021, June 7).
Tip #4 Separate them from their eating disorder: Your loved one is not their eating disorder, and separating the two shows it can be tackled. Find windows where they acknowledge their symptoms, and how it might impact what they want for themselves. For example, if they love the outdoors, but are feeling tired and lethargic. Use that as a chance to express how you want them to gain back their energy in order to go camping and hiking like they’ve wanted to.
Tip # 5 Find support for YOU: Being a supporter to your loved one and their eating disorder can be an emotional journey. Not only does your loved one need to know they are not alone, so do you. Find a family member support group, or seek individual therapy so you have a space to process your experiences.
Sources:
Eating disorders: Common warning signs. (2021, June 7). National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders. https://anad.org/get-informed/eating-disorders-warning-signs/
How to help a loved one. (2017, February 26). National Eating Disorders Association. https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/learn/help/caregivers
Additional Resources: