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Healing the Wounds We Didn’t Create: Breaking the Cycle of Inherited Trauma

Have you ever noticed behavioral patterns in yourself or in your family that seem impossible to change? Often, they’re signs of generational or inherited trauma: wounds passed down through families not just through stories or memories, but through behaviors, coping styles, and emotional patterns. The good news is that these cycles can be understood and healed with help from a therapist.

Have you ever noticed behavioral patterns in yourself or in your family that seem impossible to change? Maybe you or a loved one have difficulty expressing emotions, or when they are expressed, they're quickly minimized –– "it's not that bad" or "why bring up the past?" or "can't you just move on?" You might feel responsible for everyone else's well-being, yet feel uneasy when someone else tries to care for you. Perhaps you feel on edge all the time, waiting for the other shoe to drop, or slow to trust others. 

These patterns can feel confusing, frustrating, or even shameful—especially when you can’t point to anything in your own life that seems to explain them. Often, they’re signs of generational or inherited trauma: wounds passed down through families not just through stories or memories, but through behaviors, coping styles, and emotional patterns.

The good news is that these cycles can be understood and healed. By working with a therapist to recognize and understand these patterns, where they come from, and how they've shaped you, you can begin the work of breaking the cycles and creating healthier coping strategies for yourself and your family. 

What It Means to Inherit Trauma

Generational trauma is the transmission of emotional pain or unhealthy patterns from one generation to the next. Some research shows that generational trauma can be epigenetic, meaning that traumatic experiences can cause changes in how genes function from one generation to the next, affecting stress responses and emotional regulation (source). Yet many of the effects of trauma are passed down through behavior and belief systems, even when the origins of the trauma aren’t openly discussed. 

Where Generational Trauma Comes From

Generational trauma can have many origins, often rooted in painful experiences that overwhelmed earlier generations and were never fully processed or healed. These experiences can take many forms, from large-scale societal events to personal or family hardships, all of which can leave lasting emotional imprints.

  • Domestic violence and abuse

  • Abandonment and neglect

  • Poverty and economic instability

  • War and displacement

  • Racism, oppression, and systemic injustice

How Generational Trauma Shows Up in Our Lives Today

While traumatic circumstances differ for each family and individual, what remains universally true is that they leave a deep emotional imprint––not just on those who directly endured them, but on future generations––and it will continue to reverberate unless directly addressed. Trauma shows up in romantic partnerships, parenting, family roles, and communication patterns. Maybe some of these will sound familiar to you: 

  • Emotional unavailability or emotional minimization

  • Difficulty trusting others or forming secure attachments

  • Codependency and people-pleasing

  • Hypervigilance and fear of conflict

  • Low self-esteem or feelings of unworthiness

  • Maladaptive and high-risk coping mechanisms (for example, substance use, perfectionism, emotional withdrawal)

Recognizing these traits with compassion—not shame—is essential to breaking the cycle.

Steps to Breaking Trauma Cycles

So, what does it take to break these trauma cycles in your own family? There’s no step-by-step process that will neatly erase generations of pain, but making a conscious effort to do the following can help you find healing, and can invite others in your family to join you in that process, too. 

  1. Build Awareness and Acknowledge the Patterns Awareness and acknowledgement are key. Learn about your family history in whatever way is possible, either by talking directly to family members and asking questions, or by researching your family lineage. You might not have all parts of the story, and that’s okay. Take the time to identify your family’s cycles of trauma and recurring themes, such as silence, anger, control, or avoidance. Explore the ways these cycles have been perpetuated or enabled. Journaling through this process can be helpful. 

  2. Release Blame and Cultivate Compassion
    Blame is often fuel for generational trauma cycles, so letting go of anger and resentment––towards others and yourself––can be incredibly powerful. This does not mean condoning harmful actions, but approaching the why with compassion and understanding. 

  3. Reestablish Healthy Boundaries Generational trauma often results in boundaries being violated across generations, which becomes normalized over time as these patterns are repeated. Creating and maintaining healthy boundaries helps to disrupt these cycles and allows you to prioritize your needs. Healthy boundaries protect your peace and model safety for future generations. It starts with learning to recognize your limits and communicating them clearly.

  4. Break the Silence Silence is often used as a tool to avoid painful experiences, yet it often perpetuates continued trauma. Breaking that silence with trusted individuals, whether it’s a family member, friend, or therapist, can be both cathartic and also provide a space to process your experiences and receive validation.

  5. Practice Self-Care and Reconnection Generational trauma doesn’t just affect your relationship with others––it also affects your relationship with yourself. Prioritize activities that support your mental and physical well-being, such as rest, movement, mindfulness, creativity, and supportive relationships. Small, consistent acts of care can help you rebuild a sense of safety and self-worth.

Moving Forward: You Can Be the Cycle Breaker

It takes courage to heal the harm you didn’t cause. It can often feel isolating and confusing, especially if family members engage in harmful tactics to suppress change. Therapy can provide a supportive space to work through your experiences with generational trauma.

At ECC, our diverse group of licensed therapists can provide a supportive space to reflect on familial patterns and practice new ways of relating. We also offer culturally-responsive care to help our clients explore generational trauma through the lens of cultural identity. We offer multilingual therapy in Spanish, Mandarin, Thai, and Korean, both in person and online. 

Healing the wounds of the past is a profound gift to yourself—and to future generations. Get started today by booking an appointment.

ABOUT ECC: 

Empowered Connections Counseling is a practice of licensed therapists providing quality, multidisciplinary counseling for adults, children & teens, relationships, and families in Chicago and across Illinois. Whether by in-person session or via telehealth, we work with clients to find the therapist and treatment methods that best suit their needs. Connect meaningfully with your life by booking an appointment today.

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Trinity Nelson, MS, AMFT Trinity Nelson, MS, AMFT

Suicide Prevention Month: How to Talk to Kids & Teens About Mental Health

As parents, it can be difficult to know when your teen is struggling and even harder to know how to help. September is National Suicide Prevention Month, a time dedicated to raising awareness, breaking down stigma, and encouraging open conversations about mental health. This post offers resources on how parents like you can proactively address mental health with your teens, from conversational tools to organizations that can provide additional support. 

As parents, it can be difficult to know when your teen is struggling and even harder to know how to help. September is National Suicide Prevention Month, a time dedicated to raising awareness, breaking down stigma, and encouraging open conversations about mental health. For parents, this month is also a reminder of how important it is to check in with your teens, listen to their concerns, and create a safe space where they feel supported. Even small conversations can make a big difference in helping your child feel seen, understood, and connected. This post offers resources on how parents like you can proactively address mental health with your teens, from conversational tools to organizations that can provide additional support. 

Data on Teenage Mental Health

Some of the recent data on teen mental health highlight how widespread these challenges are and why open conversations and early support are so important. 

  • Suicide is the second leading cause of death among 10–14-year-olds and the third leading cause of death among 15–24-year-olds in the United States (ACAMH)

  • 18.8% of high school students seriously considered attempting suicide, and 8.9% made a suicide attempt within the past year (Ivey-Stephenson et al., 2020)

  • Emerging data suggest that the COVID-19 pandemic further increased youth suicide risk, with significant increases in rates of deaths by suicide and in emergency department visits for suicide attempts Charpignon et al., 2022; Yard et al., 2021)

How Mental Health Stigma Impacts Parents Seeking Help for Their Kids 

There are many parental barriers to seeking help or initiating conversations because of low mental health literacy, stigma, or fear of labeling (Sayal, Lawrence, Johnco studies). Oftentimes, parents may feel ashamed or embarrassed about the external perception of their child being depressed or suicidal. It's also common for parents to be afraid that they'll lose their child's trust if they do seek help for their child. Another barrier is the misperception that their child's mental health issues will resolve on their own, which conflicts with the reality that depression is an illness and requires treatment in order to improve the individual's mental health. 

Common Misconceptions to Avoid

As you support your teen, it’s also important to be aware of common misconceptions about mental health that can prevent them from getting the help they need.

  • Misconception #1: Talking about suicide causes suicidal thoughts. This is false; according to multiple studies there is no statistically significant increase in suicidal ideation among participants asked about suicidal thoughts, and that it actually may be associated with benefits. 

  • Misconception #2: Asking for help makes you weak. Seeking help is actually a huge strength, and youth are now increasingly recognizing that discussing their emotions does not mean a person is weak. This can be empowering for young adults to hone in skills of emotional awareness and intelligence.

  • Misconception #3: Self harm is the same as suicidality. Self-harm and suicidality are related but distinct behaviors. Edmondson, Brennan, and House (2016) found that many individuals who self-harm do so to cope with emotional distress, regulate overwhelming feelings, or exert a sense of control, rather than to end their lives. In fact, Klonsky (2011) estimates the lifetime prevalence of self-harm in the U.S. at 5-6%, with much of it classified as non-suicidal self-injury (NSSI). While self-harm is a strong risk factor for later suicide attempts, its primary function for many individuals is emotional regulation rather than suicidal intent (Edmondson et al., (2016)).

Recognizing how these barriers and misconceptions might impact your interactions with your child is the first step; the next is finding practical, age-appropriate ways to begin conversations that help your child feel supported and understood.

Starting the Mental Health Conversation with Your Kids 

The way you approach conversations about mental health will look different depending on your child’s age, but whether you’re talking with a middle schooler or a high school senior, the goal is the same: create a safe, supportive space where they feel heard.

Young Children (6 and under) - At this age, if they ask about depression or suicide, keep your answers short and simple. For example, if someone they know has died by suicide, acknowledge that the person suffered with a disease in their brain and their body stopped working. For children in this developmental stage, the concept of death may be new, and concepts about mental health a little too abstract and complex for them to understand the first time they ask; it will likely be something you have to explain to them more than once. 

Adolescents (7 - 10) Honesty and plain language are key for this age group. Introduce depression as a disease to give them language for it and understand that it is something they can get help with, if they ever experience it.

Teens (11 - 18) At this age, teens have likely been introduced to or heard about what suicide is on an educational level, but not necessarily on an emotional level, and may be unsure how to ask for help or initiate conversations around this topic. This is when you can have a more direct conversation with your teens about the big emotions they're feeling. This stage of life is a big time of transition for them, and there may be feelings that come up that are scary to talk about. When talking to your teens about depression and suicide in this stage of life, it's important to communicate a few key things: 

  • They can get help for the depressive feelings and thoughts they're having. 

  • Depression is a disease that can be treated. 

  • Asking for help and getting diagnosed with depression is not a sign of weakness. 

  • Depression and suicidal ideation are serious and can lead to death without help. 

  • You're here to help them get the mental health support they need.

(Source: University of Utah Health)

How to Check in with Your Teen About Their Mental Health

If you're concerned that your teen may be struggling with your mental health, or if they've recently lost a friend or loved one to suicide, you may be wondering how to initiate a conversation that builds trust and allows them to be vulnerable. Here are a few tips for communicating support rather than judgment: 

  • Use terms like "we" instead of "you" to signal to your child that this can be a joint effort to get help. 

  • Name behavior or mood changes you have noticed and ask if there is anything you can do, or ask if it is something they want to talk about. (Look for example questions below.) 

  • Use open-ended questions and validate their feelings. 

  • Normalize their experience with responses like, “Many people feel this way, and it’s okay to talk about it.”

There are also a few things to avoid in response to their vulnerability: 

  • Try not to minimize their experience with responses like, “it’s just a phase; you’ll get through this” or “you’ll get over it.” 

  • Don't jump to a problem-solving mindset. 

  • Try not to react with fear. 

Here are some example questions you can ask your team to initiate a conversation: 

  • I've noticed you've had a couple of down days lately, can you let me know how you're feeling or what you're thinking about?

  • It seems like you've been struggling lately. Are you comfortable talking with me about what's going on?

  • Hey, I've experienced similar things that you might be feeling, and we can work together to find support and help for you.

  • Have you thought about how you might approach this differently?

  • What you are feeling sounds tough, but I, or someone else, can help you solve this problem—let's work together on this.

  • Have you felt this way before? What kind of things help you feel safe when you're feeling like this?

(Source: University of Utah Health

You may find that your child isn’t ready to open up to you about their mental health right now. Forcing them to talk will likely cause them to shut down or withdraw even more, so it’s important to keep communication lines open by responding with compassion and understanding. To make sure they still have access to support, even if it doesn’t come directly from you, give them resources they can reach out to when they’re ready. 

Mental Health Resources to Share With Your Teen

  • Get immediate support via iasp.info/suicidalthoughts, a dedicated search tool to find the right helpline to meet your needs, location, and other specifics.

  • NAMI Chicago Youth (1-833-626-4244) NAMI Chicago provides help navigating mental health resources for young people in Chicago and suburban Cook County.

  • Seize the Awkward is an online resource to help young people talk about mental health with each other.

  • Mental Health Resources for LGBTQIA+ Youth

    • Trans Lifeline (1-877-565-8860) Trans Lifeline provides trans peer support for our community. Trans Lifeline is run by and for trans people.

    • The Trevor Project (1-866-488-7386 or text START to 678678) The Trevor Project is the world’s largest suicide prevention and mental health organization for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, and questioning (LGBTQ) young people.

    • Bisexual Queer Alliance Chicago - BQAC’s mission is to educate, empower, and provide resources for bisexual and queer persons through in-person and hybrid groups, events, and programming.

Mental Health Therapy for Teens in Chicago

If you sense that something isn’t right with your teen, trust your instincts—early support from a mental health professional can make a meaningful difference, and our team at ECC is here to help.

At ECC, we support children, teens, and adults of all identities and backgrounds. With the guidance and support of an ECC therapist, your child or teen can learn new coping skills and ways of communicating so that they can thrive into adulthood. We’re committed to helping children and adolescents find the therapist and therapy method that best suits their needs. When you contact us, our intake team will review your intake form and follow up to book an appointment.

About ECC: 

Empowered Connections Counseling is a practice of licensed therapists providing quality, multidisciplinary counseling for relationships, families, children & teens, and individuals in Chicago and across Illinois. Whether by in-person session or via telehealth, we work with clients to find the therapist and treatment methods that best suit their needs. Connect meaningfully with your life by booking an appointment today.

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individual therapy Tim Ciochon MS, LMFT individual therapy Tim Ciochon MS, LMFT

Always Available, Never Enough: How AI Can Fuel OCD Reassurance-Seeking

AI has been hailed as a revolutionary tool for mental health available anytime, anywhere, and always ready to listen. But for people struggling with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) or OCD-like tendencies, that very availability can become part of the problem. In this post, we’ll explore the effects AI use can have on people living with OCD or OCD-like symptoms, and what to do if you suspect you may be struggling with compulsive use of AI.

AI has been hailed as a revolutionary tool for mental health available anytime, anywhere, and always ready to listen. But for people struggling with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) or OCD-like tendencies, that very availability can become part of the problem. In this post, we’ll explore the effects AI use can have on people living with OCD or OCD-like symptoms, and what to do if you suspect you may be struggling with compulsive use of AI.

Psychoeducation: OCD & Reassurance Seeking

OCD is characterized by intrusive, distressing thoughts (obsessions) and the behaviors or mental rituals (compulsions) used to try to neutralize or relieve that distress. One of the hallmark compulsions of OCD is reassurance seeking, e.g., repeatedly asking others (or oneself) for certainty or comfort about fears.

For example, a person might be anxious that they are going to get sick, so they seek reassurance from someone else that they don't look or feel sick (hypochondria is a common presentation of OCD). If they ask a friend or loved one, they might temporarily feel soothed by the response, "no, you don't look sick.” While reassurance feels good in the moment, it reinforces the brain’s belief that the feared thought was dangerous and that the compulsion was necessary, and ultimately strengthens the cycle of intrusive thoughts. 

How AI Impacts OCD Reassurance-Seeking Cycles

There are several characteristics of generative artificial intelligence tools like ChatGPT that make it easy for someone with OCD to adopt it as a compulsion. 

  • AI is endlessly available, unlike the people around us. A partner, parent, or friend might eventually get tired of repeated questioning, but AI is designed to respond 24/7, without limits. 

  • AI is designed to be agreeable and helpful to the user, so it often provides soothing, validating, or “safe” answers rather than gently challenging compulsions like a friend or loved one might.

  • Unlike therapy, AI does not set boundaries around reassurance or teach clients strategies to tolerate distress and uncertainty.

These factors create a “perfect storm” where AI can act as an always-accessible reassurance source, reinforcing compulsive loops. Historically, reassurance-seeking happened peer-to-peer, but in the age of AI a person can procure this reassurance instantly without limit about any issue, when a friend or loved one might get fatigued and burnout on providing reassurance. With this limitless reassurance at their fingertips, clients unknowingly reinforce the patterns that make their OCD worse. 

Why Obsessive Compulsive Use of AI Matters Clinically

One of the keys to treating Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is helping clients practice tolerating uncertainty and feelings of distress through therapy methods like Exposure and Response Prevention or Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Clients may unwittingly use AI as a digital compulsion, which undermines this therapeutic work. Instead of practicing tolerating uncertainty, they can fall into an endless cycle of reassurance at 2AM, at work, or any time intrusive thoughts arise. Over time, this can make OCD symptoms more entrenched and harder to treat.

Building Mindful Habits for AI Use

AI isn’t inherently bad for mental health –– it can support psychoeducation, journaling prompts, or practicing guided mindfulness. The key is intention and boundaries: using AI as a therapeutic supplement (like a guided tool), not as a substitute for professional support. 

If you’re struggling with setting boundaries with yourself around use of AI –– or any other technology –– you’re not alone. A licensed therapist can work with you on how to practice mindfulness, set limits, dig deep on what’s driving compulsive behaviors, and find healthier ways of coping. Reach out today to get connected with one of our therapists at ECC.

ABOUT ECC: 

Empowered Connections Counseling is a practice of licensed therapists providing quality, multidisciplinary counseling for adults, children & teens, relationships, and families in Chicago and across Illinois. Whether by in-person session or via telehealth, we work with clients to find the therapist and treatment methods that best suit their needs. Connect meaningfully with your life by booking an appointment today.

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individual therapy Anne Chen, MS individual therapy Anne Chen, MS

​​Belonging, Healing, and the Words That Carry Us Home

Should I stay in the U.S.? And if I do, what will that mean for me?” On the surface, it’s a practical question about visas, jobs, or futures. But beneath it is something deeper: a longing for belonging and authenticity…

The Question Beneath the Question

In my therapy work with expats, a question often arises: “Should I stay in the U.S.? And if I do, what will that mean for me?” On the surface, it’s a practical question about visas, jobs, or futures. But beneath it is something deeper: a longing for belonging and authenticity. The uncertainty of home can weigh heavily, and the ache of not knowing where one fits in can feel disorienting.

Literature often gives us words for this search. Asian-American writers, in particular, capture both the ache and beauty of living between worlds— offering not answers, but companionship.

Literature as a Mirror of Belonging

Hua Hsu, in his memoir Stay True, writes: “We were always searching for a place to belong, and in the meantime, we found it in each other.” Belonging, he reminds us, doesn’t always come from geography or paperwork. Sometimes it emerges in friendships and chosen communities that affirm who we are becoming.

Ocean Vuong echoes this in On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous: “The most beautiful part of your body is where it’s headed.” His words invite us to see belonging not as a fixed location, but as an unfolding journey.

The Emotional Landscape of Belonging

Clients often ask: If I stay, will I lose my authenticity? If I leave, am I giving something up? These questions are not just logistical— they are emotional landscapes filled with longing and loss.

Cathy Park Hong, in Minor Feelings, captures the dissonance of living in a country that doesn’t always see you clearly: “Minor feelings are the racialized emotions…built from the sediments of everyday racial experience and the irritant of having one’s perception of reality constantly questioned.” For many internationals, this describes the disorientation of being misrecognized—of trying to locate authenticity between external perception and inner truth.

Michelle Zauner, in Crying in H Mart, reminds us that belonging can also be cultivated through small rituals: “Food was how my mother expressed her love. And I dreamed of recreating that intimacy in America.” For many, the taste of a dish, a familiar song, or a phrase in their first language can ground them when everything else feels foreign.

Healing Through Story

In therapy, I’ve witnessed how clients find solace in the words of others. Reading a memoir or poem can offer a mirror: I’m not alone in this struggle. Hua Hsu’s grief for his friend in Stay True is deeply personal, yet universal—reminding us that we heal in the act of remembering, in holding onto the threads of connection.

Maxine Hong Kingston captures this kind of healing beautifully: “I learned to make my mind large, as the universe is large, so that there is room for paradoxes.” Belonging is not about erasing contradictions but holding them gently. Healing means making room for both the ache of displacement and the beauty of chosen connections.

Gentle Invitations for You

If you are wrestling with belonging, here are a few invitations:

  • Reflect in writing: Where do you feel most at home— in your body, in memory, in a place, or with certain people?

  • Seek resonance: Explore the works by writers like Hua Hsu, Ocean Vuong, Cathy Park Hong, Michelle Zauner, or Maxine Hong Kingston. Check out our recommended reading list below for links to their work. Notice which words echo your journey.

  • Create ritual: Food, music, language, or community gatherings can become anchors of belongings, wherever you are.

Recommended Reading List

Ocean Vuong – On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous
Cathy Park Hong – Minor Feelings
Michelle Zauner – Crying in H Mart
Jhumpa Lahiri – In Other Words
Maxine Hong Kingston – The Woman Warrior
Li-Young Lee – Rose (poetry)

Belonging as Practice

The question “Should I stay?” often transforms into a deeper one: “How do I belong, wherever I am?”

Literature reminds us that belonging may not be a destination but a practice— an act of weaving together memory, identity, and chosen connection. And in therapy, as in literature, we come to see that healing is not about erasing dislocation, but about learning how to belong to ourselves while finding spaces where we are seen and loved.

Mental Health Support for Expats and Immigrants in Chicago

Exploring questions of belonging and making decisions about where you build your life can feel like a lonely process. At ECC Chicago, our therapists strive to understand each client’s unique journey, and we are committed to providing culturally responsive care. Our team comes from diverse, multicultural backgrounds, and we offer multilingual therapy here in Spanish, Mandarin, Thai, and Korean, both in person and online. If you are seeking therapists with cultural humility who can walk alongside you through the challenges of being an expat or immigrant, we’re here to support you. 


ABOUT ECC: 

Empowered Connections Counseling is a practice of licensed therapists providing quality, multidisciplinary counseling for adults, children & teens, relationships, and families in Chicago and across Illinois. Whether by in-person session or via telehealth, we work with clients to find the therapist and treatment methods that best suit their needs. Connect meaningfully with your life by booking an appointment today.

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individual therapy, family therapy Tim Ciochon MS, LMFT individual therapy, family therapy Tim Ciochon MS, LMFT

How to Respond When Someone Asks, ‘What Do You Believe Now?'

Whether it’s a curious friend, a concerned family member, or someone from your former faith community, the question, “What do you believe now?” can bring up waves of anxiety, frustration, or exhaustion. In this post, we’ll explore kind, practical ways to respond that honor your boundaries, protect your emotional well-being, and engage (or disengage) in a way that feels safe for you.

If you’ve experienced religious trauma, you know that conversations about your beliefs can feel like walking into a minefield. Whether it’s a curious friend, a concerned family member, or someone from your former faith community, the question, “What do you believe now?” can bring up waves of anxiety, frustration, or exhaustion. You may feel pressure to explain yourself, defend your choices, or avoid the topic altogether. In this post, we’ll explore kind, practical ways to respond that honor your boundaries, protect your emotional well-being, and engage (or disengage) in a way that feels safe for you.

First, Keep the Question Asker's Intent in Mind

When a person asks what you believe now, pausing to consider their relationship to you and their intent can help you decide how and whether to engage in the conversation. Are they expressing genuine curiosity, or are they fishing for a debate? Based on what you know of their beliefs, do you anticipate that they'll be supportive of you, or will they try to persuade you to see things their way? Have you been in similar conversations with them before and felt dismissed or trapped? Even if they have genuine concern for you and your wellbeing rooted in religious dogma that makes them fear for your eternal well-being, that concern may lead to a conversation where you feel added pressure to agree with their views.

Remember: You Have Many Options for How to Respond

Having considered the question asker's intent, remember: you have options for how you respond. You do not have to provide an exact recounting of your religious or spiritual evolution, deconstruction, or de-conversion! In fact, this may not be safe given the asker's intent or relationship with you. Your response can vary from open and vulnerable to guarded and boundaried while still remaining honest. 

Here are three ways you can respond when someone asks what you believe now: 

Boundaried: "It's an important journey, but I'm in a solid place right now. Thanks for asking." This response acknowledges that your beliefs have evolved without being specific, and it articulates that regardless of what other people might think if they knew your beliefs you feel stable, which is what matters. This response might be best for someone you have a hard time trusting, who may have put pressure on you in the past to conform to their beliefs, like a parent or a community leader. If they continue to prod, stay boundaried with a response like, “I really appreciate you asking, but it’s a tough topic for me to talk about. Maybe someday I’ll be ready to share more, but not right now.”

Redirect & Explore: "It’s been a journey! How about you? What do you believe now? Is it different from how you were raised?" This response again acknowledges that your beliefs have evolved without going in depth, and allows the question-asker to share insights on their beliefs so that you can continue to evaluate intent and emotional safety. This makes it a great option for casual acquaintances or people from your faith community you may have not interacted with in awhile. 

Open & Vulnerable: "I was raised to believe [X.] I have since been exploring alternatives to this belief system including [Y & Z] and grappling with the impacts of being raised in [X] belief system." Save this response for the people you feel confident discussing this with, who have demonstrated shared beliefs and values. 

Look for Opportunities to Strengthen Your Sense of Self

These questions, against the backdrop of religious trauma, can feel particularly painful and dangerous. In the past, answering a question like "what do you believe?" with something other than full-throated support for the fundamentals of your religious community might have led to punishment from a parent, alienation from important relationships and the broader community, or other consequences like losing jobs, funding, and housing. Your brain and your body are still working on healing from that fear of consequences for answering questions like this honestly. There still may be a risk of relational consequences, which is one reason way boundaries help -- they allow you the opportunity to maintain connection with people who may disagree with you, while still honoring your own need for space. 

These questions can also provide other opportunities to clarify your beliefs, heal the pain of suppressed parts of yourself, or even discover that the question asker may have similar experiences, allowing you to share newfound camaraderie and mutual support.  

Religious Trauma Therapy Near You

Healing from religious trauma is a deeply personal journey, and you don’t have to navigate it alone. A therapist who understands the unique challenges of untangling harmful beliefs, setting healthy boundaries, and rebuilding a sense of self can provide the tools, validation, and support you need. If conversations about your beliefs leave you feeling drained or unsafe, therapy can offer a safe space to process those experiences and practice new ways of responding. Reaching out for help is not a sign of weakness—it’s a step toward reclaiming your voice and living in alignment with your own values.

ABOUT ECC: 

Empowered Connections Counseling is a practice of licensed therapists providing quality, multidisciplinary counseling for adults, children & teens, relationships, and families in Chicago and across Illinois. Whether by in-person session or via telehealth, we work with clients to find the therapist and treatment methods that best suit their needs. Connect meaningfully with your life by booking an appointment today.

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