The Question Beneath the Question
In my therapy work with expats, a question often arises: “Should I stay in the U.S.? And if I do, what will that mean for me?” On the surface, it’s a practical question about visas, jobs, or futures. But beneath it is something deeper: a longing for belonging and authenticity. The uncertainty of home can weigh heavily, and the ache of not knowing where one fits in can feel disorienting.
Literature often gives us words for this search. Asian-American writers, in particular, capture both the ache and beauty of living between worlds— offering not answers, but companionship.
Literature as a Mirror of Belonging
Hua Hsu, in his memoir Stay True, writes: “We were always searching for a place to belong, and in the meantime, we found it in each other.” Belonging, he reminds us, doesn’t always come from geography or paperwork. Sometimes it emerges in friendships and chosen communities that affirm who we are becoming.
Ocean Vuong echoes this in On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous: “The most beautiful part of your body is where it’s headed.” His words invite us to see belonging not as a fixed location, but as an unfolding journey.
The Emotional Landscape of Belonging
Clients often ask: If I stay, will I lose my authenticity? If I leave, am I giving something up? These questions are not just logistical— they are emotional landscapes filled with longing and loss.
Cathy Park Hong, in Minor Feelings, captures the dissonance of living in a country that doesn’t always see you clearly: “Minor feelings are the racialized emotions…built from the sediments of everyday racial experience and the irritant of having one’s perception of reality constantly questioned.” For many internationals, this describes the disorientation of being misrecognized—of trying to locate authenticity between external perception and inner truth.
Michelle Zauner, in Crying in H Mart, reminds us that belonging can also be cultivated through small rituals: “Food was how my mother expressed her love. And I dreamed of recreating that intimacy in America.” For many, the taste of a dish, a familiar song, or a phrase in their first language can ground them when everything else feels foreign.
Healing Through Story
In therapy, I’ve witnessed how clients find solace in the words of others. Reading a memoir or poem can offer a mirror: I’m not alone in this struggle. Hua Hsu’s grief for his friend in Stay True is deeply personal, yet universal—reminding us that we heal in the act of remembering, in holding onto the threads of connection.
Maxine Hong Kingston captures this kind of healing beautifully: “I learned to make my mind large, as the universe is large, so that there is room for paradoxes.” Belonging is not about erasing contradictions but holding them gently. Healing means making room for both the ache of displacement and the beauty of chosen connections.
Gentle Invitations for You
If you are wrestling with belonging, here are a few invitations:
Reflect in writing: Where do you feel most at home— in your body, in memory, in a place, or with certain people?
Seek resonance: Explore the works by writers like Hua Hsu, Ocean Vuong, Cathy Park Hong, Michelle Zauner, or Maxine Hong Kingston. Check out our recommended reading list below for links to their work. Notice which words echo your journey.
Create ritual: Food, music, language, or community gatherings can become anchors of belongings, wherever you are.
Recommended Reading List
Ocean Vuong – On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous
Cathy Park Hong – Minor Feelings
Michelle Zauner – Crying in H Mart
Jhumpa Lahiri – In Other Words
Maxine Hong Kingston – The Woman Warrior
Li-Young Lee – Rose (poetry)
Belonging as Practice
The question “Should I stay?” often transforms into a deeper one: “How do I belong, wherever I am?”
Literature reminds us that belonging may not be a destination but a practice— an act of weaving together memory, identity, and chosen connection. And in therapy, as in literature, we come to see that healing is not about erasing dislocation, but about learning how to belong to ourselves while finding spaces where we are seen and loved.
Mental Health Support for Expats and Immigrants in Chicago
Exploring questions of belonging and making decisions about where you build your life can feel like a lonely process. At ECC Chicago, our therapists strive to understand each client’s unique journey, and we are committed to providing culturally responsive care. Our team comes from diverse, multicultural backgrounds, and we offer multilingual therapy here in Spanish, Mandarin, Thai, and Korean, both in person and online. If you are seeking therapists with cultural humility who can walk alongside you through the challenges of being an expat or immigrant, we’re here to support you.
ABOUT ECC:
Empowered Connections Counseling is a practice of licensed therapists providing quality, multidisciplinary counseling for adults, children & teens, relationships, and families in Chicago and across Illinois. Whether by in-person session or via telehealth, we work with clients to find the therapist and treatment methods that best suit their needs. Connect meaningfully with your life by booking an appointment today.