By Kellie Calderon, MA, LPC

Everyone experiences grief at some point in their lives. This can be through the death of a close loved one, or through other losses such as the loss of a job, the loss of a pet, or even the loss of a lifelong dream or goal. When a loss occurs, there are many different emotions someone can experience. Reactions can range from crying and sadness, to anger and disbelief. The difficult part about experiencing a loss is that there is not a one-stop-shop solution. Grief is not linear. There is not a specific set of things you can do to make it better, and what works for one person may not work for another.

The first part of this series is going to be covering the symptoms of grief as well as a few ways to cope. It is important to be able to identify these symptoms when you may be grieving yourself, or when someone you know may be grieving. By identifying the symptoms, you can begin the healing process, or help guide someone going through it.

There are many different symptoms that can manifest when someone is grieving. They can be separated into feelings, cognitions, physical symptoms and behaviors, and many of them are listed below. (Freeman, 2005; Worden, 2005).

-Feelings:

- Sadness

- Numbness

- Anger

- Guilt

- Anxiety

-Cognitions:

- Obsessive Thinking

- Intrusive Thoughts

-Physical Symptoms:

- Tight Chest

- Lack of Energy

- Muscle Weakness

- Dry Mouth

-Behaviors:

- Sleep Issues

- Changes in Appetite

- Social Withdrawal

- Absent Mindedness

Many of these symptoms are very normal when it comes to the grieving process. However, one thing to be aware of are symptoms of depression versus grief. There are some similarities between the two but they are also very different experiences, and if left untreated, depression can become very serious. Below are some symptoms of major depression:

- Worthlessness

- Exaggerated guilt

- Suicidal thoughts

- Low self-esteem

- Powerlessness

- Helplessness

- Agitation

- Loss of interest in pleasurable activities

- Exaggerated fatigue

Coping with Grief

As mentioned earlier, grief is not linear. This is very important to remember because someone’s grieving process may take a few weeks, while others may take a few years. It is essential to be sensitive to someone who is grieving and to not force them through the grieving process. Below are a few strategies that may help when going through the process of grief (Note: many of these reference death; however, as we have stated loss can take many different forms).

-Talk about the death. Many people deny the death which can cause isolation and may make it more difficult to accept the death and move on with life.

-Experience and accept feelings. It is important to remember that feelings of sadness, anger, numbness, etc. are all normal. In order to process the loss you must accept these feelings and try to experience them.

-Prioritize Self-Care. Many people neglect themselves while grieving. There is a lot happening and it can be distracting. Make sure you focus on your eating habits, exercise and sleep. Try Mindful Meditation to help as well. Apps such as “calm” or “headspace” can help with this.

-Accept support and help from others. It can be easy to feel like a burden to people when you are grieving, but the people around you are there for you to lean on. Surround yourself with your support people and accept the help they offer.

-Remember your loved ones in a positive light. It can be difficult to think about the positives in a time where everything seems so negative. Celebrate the life of the deceased and remember them in ways that make you feel good. Sometimes it can help to memorialize them in ways such as planting a tree, creating a memory book or advocating for a certain charity that is in their name.

If you or someone you know is experiencing grief and is having a difficult time, please seek out professional help from a mental health counselor.

Sources:

Freeman, S (2005). Grief and Loss. Understanding the Journey. Belmont, CA: Thompson Brooks/ Cole

Grief: Coping with the loss of your loved one. (n.d.). Retrieved from

https://www.apa.org/helpcenter/grief

Schwartz, A., LCSW, PhD. (n.d.). The Difference Between Grief and Depression, The DSM V. Retrieved

from https://www.mentalhelp.net/blogs/the-difference-between-grief-and-depression-the-dsm-v/

Worden, J.W. (2005). Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy: Handbook for Mental Practitioners (3rd ed.).

New York, NY: Springer Publishing Company