By Kellie Calderon, MA, LPC
"Grief I've learned is just love. It's all the love you want to give but cannot. All of that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go."- Anonymous
As if grief weren’t complicated enough to deal with, there are a few different types of grief to be aware of. The importance of knowing these different types of grief is that you or a loved one can understand what you or they are going through to better process the grief and manage the emotions that go along with it. If you would like to get a recap on symptoms of grief, head over to the previous blog here!
Anticipatory Grief
This type of grief occurs when there is either a terminal or progressive illness that causes you to anticipate the grief that will occur when the individual passes away.
What you may experience:
Anger
Loss of emotional control
Helplessness
Loss of other things, such as dreams, future or family structures
How to help:
In situations where you may be anticipating the loss, it is important to use the time to process the loss with that person. It can be difficult to accept the fact that a loved one is going to pass away, but it gives an opportunity to spend time with them to find meaning in your relationship with that person and gain closure and peace for when they actually pass.
Complicated Grief
This type of grief lasts longer than “normal” grief (I put normal in quotes because there really is not a normal way to grieve, so use this term lightly), and may affect your daily living if you are not receiving help. If someone has an underlying mental health diagnoses such as depression or anxiety, it can also make the grief feel more intense. Someone who has depression or anxiety may have a harder time finding coping skills that are effective without additional help from a therapist.
What you may experience:
Grief lasting a long period of time with no improvement
Delayed grief (experiencing grief long after someone passes)
Extreme or intense reactions to the loss (self-destruction, changes in behavior)
How to help
Since complicated grief is just how it sounds, complicated, the best route to process it would be to speak with a counselor. It may also be beneficial to set up an appointment with a psychiatrist if you feel you may have an underlying mental health condition as well.
Disenfranchised Grief
This type of grief occurs when a society, family member, friend or community invalidates the grief. This could be if the death is a suicide, overdose or something similar. This may also be if the death is someone that was not necessarily a close part of their life such as a coworker. These can be tough because although you may not be a close friend or family member, you still can feel the loss. Friends or family may wonder why you are experiencing grief, but it is important to remember that grief can manifest itself in different ways within different people. It could also be a trigger of a another time someone felt grief.
What you may experience:
Feeling isolated
No validation of your grief/feelings
Feeling shameful or guilty for grieving
Suppressing the grief
How to help
It can be helpful to find others who may have experienced that type of grief to help normalize the feelings (support groups, etc.). It may also be a good idea to talk to a counselor to find support and an outlet for your feelings of grief. Remember that everyone experiences grief differently, and just because others do not validate your grief, does not mean what you are feeling is not real.
Other types of grief
Along with the types of grief mentioned above, there are other types that may not be as common but still should be discussed.
Traumatic Grief - When a loved one dies in a traumatic and/or violent nature. This could cause nightmares, flashbacks (if witnessed), etc.
Cumulative Grief - Experiencing a loss while still grieving a different loss
Masked Grief - Experiencing grief that affects daily functioning but is not recognized by the person grieving. This person may be masking the symptoms with other behaviors (overeating, physical symptoms, self-sabotaging, etc.)
Collective Grief - Refers to grief experienced by a group. This is becoming more common with school shootings, natural disasters or if there is a death in a close knit community.
Absent grief - When the person is not showing any signs of grieving and is in denial of the loss. This might look like someone who goes about their normal life as if the person had not passed away. This person may be in complete shock and unable to recognize the loss.
There is no “right” way to process grief. However, if you notice that the grieving process is affecting your daily life and functioning, we encourage you to seek out counseling. This will help with processing the grief as well as learning how to manage the emotions that come along with it.
Types of Grief. (2017, March 28). Retrieved from https://whatsyourgrief.com/types-of-grief/