By Kellie Calderon, MA, LPC
In the midst of the current Pandemic, there is uncertainty, transitioning and anxiety. Maybe you are now working from home, and maybe your spouse or partner is also working from home. This is a tough transition in itself. Maybe your adolescents are ALSO E-Learning at home. At this point, you may have lost your mind. And you are the only one in that boat! Say it with me….. “this too shall pass.” But when? How? What will we do until then? I am going to break down some techniques for you and your family in order to help ease some of the cabin fever, getting on each other’s nerves and overall stress of everyone trying to be productive while at home.
Create a Schedule or Routine
As I am sure you know by now, your normal routine is out the window at this point. It’s okay- we can get it back on track. Try and keep a routine or schedule as close to the normal one as possible. This means waking up at a decent time- this does not have to be the same exact time, but as close to that as possible. Try to keep it within an hour of when your adolescent would normally wake up for school. Create a list of things they normally would need to do before school (this may be modified since it won’t be exactly the same). Develop a list of expectations, for example: brush your teeth, take a shower, eat breakfast. Teens need structure even if they fight you on it. It helps them to develop a routine and could help in the future when they need to do this on their own.
Make sure they have lunch at a normal lunch time- and end the “school day” at a similar time they normally would- unless they finish everything earlier. After their schoolwork is done, make sure there is still a focus on the routine. Once they finish everything, make sure there is time for dinner, any nighttime routine, and a bedtime (again, as close to the normal routine as possible).
Set Breaks
It can be more difficult for a teen to be doing schoolwork at home. They are not used to sitting for that long in one place. Remember, at school they are taking time to get to school, going from classroom to classroom, and having small breaks throughout the day. Figure out when the best time to have breaks are. It would be helpful to have a schedule such as doing work for 25 minutes- then having a 5-minute break. Do this 4 times and then have a 30-minute break (This is called the Pomodoro Technique). They need to be up and moving during these breaks too, not just sitting on their phones.
Boundaries and Limits on Games/Social Media
This is a big one- this should not be a free-for-all with unlimited use of technology. Just remember, the more lenient you are during this time, the harder it will be to get back to normalcy when this is all over. Make sure there are clear boundaries with technology. Try to stick to how it normally is when they get home from school. If they are typically allowed one hour of video games after school- keep that consistent or at least close. If they are doing well in their routine and staying on track, feel free to provide positive reinforcement by giving them some extra time.
Plan Activities with Them, not for Them
We all are feeling this- people are BORED. When you have a teen in the house it becomes a distant memory of them wanting to participate in family activities. It is important to make sure they are not just isolating in their rooms all day. Create a rule that works with your family, something along the lines of, for every hour you are in your room you must come out for ten minutes. They don’t have to interact with people, but they need to get out of their room for that time. Ask them what they would like to do as a family. A lot of times teens don’t want to do something with the family just because their parent came up with the idea- it is important for them to feel like they had a part in planning something. Ask them, “I want you to pick one thing we can do in the house as a family this week.” Tell them each person in the family gets to pick an activity for the rest to do. If you come up with something like a puzzle, ask them what kind they would like. It’s all about a sense of control here- they just want to feel more like they were heard, versus forced to do something.
Have Designated Spaces
This is important for the adult and the teen. With everyone doing work at home, it’s important to have your own spaces and make it consistent. Just like I would tell an adult to not do their work from their bed (it causes loose boundaries for work/life balance), tell the same to your teen. Homework should be done in an area that promotes learning and creates the least amount of distractions. Each person can have their own area, if possible, so there isn’t a sense of crowdedness.
Most Importantly- Stay Calm and Breathe
This is something most people never thought they would need to prepare for. Say it with me... “you are not alone, and you are doing the best that you can!” It’s okay if things aren’t perfect, we are all learning and adapting. Just as you are feeling, your teens are also feeling anxious, bored, and stuck. This is something you can relate to them on. Ask them how they are doing, are they managing everything okay? Are they able to keep up with the schoolwork or do they need help? It’s good to just check in with them because they are also in a huge transition. They can’t see their friends or go to school to have a break from home. This is also a loss for them. Talk about it as a family and figure out what you’re feeling and how you can make the most out of this time.
It’s important to check in with yourself and those around you during this unprecedented time. If you are looking to connect with a mental health counselor at this time, please do not hesitate to contact us at Empowered Connections Counseling. You will find all of our information on our website at www.empoweredconnectionscounseling.com.