Imagine the first time a client enters a therapist's office, revealing years of self-medicating trauma and anxiety by way of alcohol and drugs. Shame hangs heavy in these moments, with the focus fixed solely on breaking free from dependence and addiction. Yet, as therapists, we are attuned to a deeper truth - that these problematic behaviors were once functional survival mechanisms, borne out of pain. The troublesome coping skills you are faced with today at one time served a crucial purpose.

The coping journey from function to detriment can manifest in different ways: substance abuse, disordered eating, addictions, avoidance, people-pleasing, isolation, etc. Regardless of the coping mechanism and the pain they may be causing you today, at one point they served a purpose.

Self-compassion is essential as a starting point - you were (and are) doing the best you can to try to manage distressing emotions by whatever means necessary even if self-destructive over time. You didn’t set out to develop a maladaptive approach to life or relationships - you were trying to survive a painful experience.

The good news is that there are other ways to attend to and manage distress outside of the coping skills you cultivated across the lifespan. We must address the underlying problem and the problematic solutions. In therapy you can uncover not only the why but also the how to approach challenges or situations in a more sustainable way that aligns with your values.