It’s the most wonderful time of the year, right? The holidays are meant to be a time of connection and joy, but sometimes they can be a time of disconnection, grief, and isolation, especially if you have recently suffered a loss such as death of a loved one, divorce or estrangement, job loss, or a move away from your community. Perhaps the holidays are a reminder of past trauma. Even when everything in your life seems normal, the social expectations around holiday celebrations can be overwhelming. It’s all too easy to get caught up in comparing yourself to others who seem to have it all together, especially through social media. All of these things can not only increase loneliness, but anxiety and depression as well.
If any of this feels familiar, know that you aren’t alone. In the last year, over half of Americans have reported feeling sadness and loneliness during the holidays. Loneliness at the holidays is incredibly common, despite the sparkly veneer of lights and gifts and sweet treats.
Mental Health Struggles During the Holidays
An increased sense of loneliness can lead to maladaptive coping mechanisms, especially ones we may have turned to in the past: substance abuse, disordered eating, and other addictive behaviors like mindless shopping. It’s also common to experience increased relationship conflict with family members and partners, given the social pressure to conform to old traditions that may not be comforting anymore.
Another mental health struggle that many experience during the holidays is meta-emotional cycles: in other words, having feelings about your feelings that exacerbate your despair. For example, you might feel loneliness, and then sadness or self-doubt in response to the loneliness: Why am I so isolated? Is there something wrong with me? Another example might be jealousy that others have partners and big families to celebrate with, followed by shame for being jealous: Why can’t I just be happy for others and content with my life? These meta-emotions often lead to greater distress and dysregulation. All the while the original, primary emotion is unattended to, making matters worse.
Therapy Tips For Managing Your Loneliness During the Holidays
The good news is that there are ways you can reorient yourself during the holiday season to protect and improve your mental health. These strategies may not fix your loss or erase past trauma, but rather, can serve as a touchstone for reminding yourself that you are not alone in the world, and joy is still possible.
Mindfulness practices – Take time to slow down and connect with your thoughts and feelings. A simple practice of journaling, writing down things you’re struggling with and things that you’re thankful for, can have the effect of reducing how overwhelmed you feel and stopping those meta-emotional cycles from spiraling out of control. Or you might try going outside for a winter walk and focusing on your senses to get out of your head and back into your body: enjoy the crunch of snow beneath your boots, the fog in the air, the wind on your cheeks, or a favorite song in your earbuds (even if it’s a sad one).
Make new traditions – Whether it’s because the old traditions don’t feel comforting anymore, or because doing them simply isn’t possible this year due to financial issues or travel constraints, it is okay to try new ways of celebrating. This is possible whether you have people to celebrate with or not. If the thought of trying to celebrate holidays alone makes you feel even more sad or self-conscious, consider an activity that will connect you with others in need, like helping out at a center for unhoused people or underprivileged groups.
Adjust expectations and boundaries – We all go into the holiday season with hopeful expectations that we will be surrounded by loved ones and everyone will have a merry time together, full of joy and delicious food and fun gifts. But some years, that’s just not how it works out, for a variety of disappointing reasons. In these times, adjusting our expectations – and communicating clearly with others to help them adjust their own expectations – can make room for other opportunities to find joy. So maybe this year, gathering together with loved ones just isn’t possible; talking about it early on and making other plans to connect over FaceTime or in-person at a later date can help ease the disappointment and reassure each other that you care. (Read this post for more tips on setting boundaries and expectations with loved ones during the holidays.)
Support through therapy – No matter how lonely you feel this holiday, remember that you don’t have to cope alone. Therapy can help you process your feelings, prepare for the hard moments, and find joy and comfort.
Get Extra Support This Holiday Season
There’s no better time to seek support from a therapist than during the holiday season. You don’t have to wait until the new year to get the support you need. At ECC, our diverse group of licensed therapists can help you process the loneliness of the season and offer new strategies for coping and connecting with others. Book an appointment with us today to get started.
About ECC:
Empowered Connections Counseling is a practice of licensed therapists providing quality, multidisciplinary counseling for adults, children & teens, relationships, and families in Chicago and across Illinois. Whether by in-person session or via telehealth, we work with clients to find the therapist and treatment methods that best suit their needs. Connect meaningfully with your life by booking an appointment today.