As we settle into 2023, for some of us it is time to wonder: Will we or won’t we follow through on our resolutions? Or are we already regretting the goals we made for ourselves?
Before we review new resolutions, I want to suggest a moment to look back. Instead of looking up the mountain for all you want to accomplish or change in the new year, take a minute to look down your mountain and acknowledge how far you have come in the last year.
Write down some of your accomplishments from last year. No paper? Say them out loud.
I encourage you to call someone and tell them what you are proud of – better yet – start the conversation–ask the person on the other end of the call to “look down their mountain”. Have them tell you something they are proud of from the past year.
It isn’t bragging, it is empowering.
Along with accomplishments, I confess, I have a lot of regrets from the past year. I have been taught my entire life from bad bumper stickers “NO REGRETS!” to religious acts (Confession?!) that regrets are something to avoid. And although we are bound to make some mistakes, the act of embracing regret certainly has been frowned upon.
Instead of avoiding these mistakes or missed opportunities, what about examining our regrets? Daniel Pink, in his nonfiction book: The Power or Regret: How Looking Backward Moves Us Forward, compiles quantitative data to support the importance of reflecting on those things we regret the most. Pink not only uses science to support his claim, but he gives us permission to embrace our regrets!
Pink breaks regret into four types:
Foundation Regrets
Moral Regrets
Connection Regrets
Boldness Regrets
Pink explains each type has something to teach humans about what they value: “foundation regrets” reveal a need for stability, “connection regrets”, the need for love, “moral regret”, the need for goodness and “boldness regrets” suggest a need for growth. If so many of us are living with regret, how do we maximize our regrets to live a more fulfilling life? Pink goes on to describe a three step strategy: inward, outward, forward. He also suggests a number of exercises to support these ideas.
A month into the new year and already I have a few regrets. Instead of punishing myself, I am going to review Pink’s exercises and remember that looking backward can move me forward.
Read or listen more about Pink’s theory on regret: How examining our regrets can make for a more meaningful life