February and Valentine’s Day focus our collective attention on romantic love. Gifts, quality time with romantic dates or getaways, and public declarations of commitment are the most common expressions of romance we see in modern culture around Valentine’s Day, and they’re all wonderful ways to shower your partner(s) with love and affection. Yet at the same time, they can also be distractions or band-aids for relationship issues that need attention and work. If you’re looking for a deeper connection with your partner(s) this Valentine’s Day, there are some therapy approaches that might be right for you.
Dialectical Behavior Therapy: Accepting Reality & Embracing Change
Do you ever feel like managing emotional dysregulation is a full-time job? Like your emotions are running the show, and it’s hard to function or focus on anything else? When tricky situations happen and the emotions feel overwhelming, do you resort to behaviors you know are harmful, such as cutting, binge-eating, or drinking? If you’ve suffered a serious loss or trauma, or you’re experiencing acute depression or anxiety, Dialectical Behavior Therapy is a method that might help you tolerate stress with healthy habits and access emotional equilibrium.
Attachment Styles: What They Mean and How They Can Help in Your Relationships
Have you ever wondered what your life right now would be like if your childhood relationships with your parents or caregivers had been different? Have you ever reflected on a conflict with a partner or friend, and felt intuitively that if your bond with your parent or caregiver had been healthier when you were a kid, perhaps it would be easier for you to communicate as an adult? Maybe you’re not used to stating your needs clearly because your needs as a child were a burden. Maybe it’s hard for you to get through an uncomfortable conversation with your partner without arguing, because arguing was the predominant way your family communicated. Or maybe you often feel anxious in your relationships, and that anxiety has been with you since childhood?
If any of these experiences resonate, attachment-based therapy might help you.
What is Emotionally Focused Therapy?
Maybe you’re familiar with this scenario: you and your partner (or parent, sibling, or friend) are both home after a long day at work, eating dinner together, when the conversation veers off-course into an argument. It could be about family plans for the holidays, or money, or household tasks that need to get done, but the fight feels too familiar. You’ve had this same fight before, even if it was technically about a different issue, and you and your loved one have reverted to the same feelings and reactions. You feel stuck. Why would something as innocuous as a family holiday gathering or a sink full of dishes trigger such intense feelings? Why can't you seem to react differently whenever the topic comes up? Something has to change, but you don’t know how to make it happen.
Feeling stuck in your emotions and relational patterns is common, and it’s exactly the kind of issue that Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is designed to help.
What Matters More: The Therapy Method, or the Therapist?
If you’re new to therapy, you may find yourself wondering which type of therapy is right for you, and beyond that, what is more important: the therapist, or therapy method? Perhaps you’ve met with a therapist before and it didn’t go well, but you’re not ready to give up on therapy yet. The good news is that research has given us some good indicators on how to set ourselves up for success in a therapy relationship—for both therapist and client.