Somatic Experiencing Therapy for Neurodivergent People: Why It Helps

Does this scenario sound familiar? You made plans to hang out with a friend, but when the day comes to meet up, your friend cancels. Even though they’re super apologetic and kind about having to cancel—and on a cognitive level you know they love and value you as a friend—you still feel a strong sting of rejection and have a hard time getting rid of that feeling. Whenever you think about it, your heart races and you have a hard time calming down or being productive. If you struggle with being able to release strong emotions on a physical level, Somatic Experiencing Therapy (SET) might be a helpful approach for you. In this post, we’ll walk you through what Somatic Experiencing Therapy is, its benefits, and how to find a somatic experiencing therapist near you.

First, What is Somatic Experiencing Therapy? 

“Somatic” comes from the Greek word “soma” meaning body. Somatic Experiencing Therapy is a method in a broader approach known as mind-body therapies. It is the application of somatic psychology, a field that explores the lived experience of being embodied as the basis for how we live in and relate to the world. The principle theory behind Somatic Experiencing Therapy is that stress and trauma become trapped in the body and can manifest as emotional dysregulation, or with physical side-effects that cause prolonged discomfort, such as an elevated heart rate. 

Returning to the example above, in response to a friend’s last-minute cancellation, the person might feel anxiety and experience an elevated heart rate every time they think about the situation, and find it difficult to bring their heart rate back to baseline. This difficulty regulating emotions and bodily sensations might be a result of trauma, or a symptom of a neurodivergent condition. Someone might seek therapy when they realize that despite being able to think through a stressful situation, and yet still experience significant distress over how they feel physically in their bodies about it. Cognitive techniques in traditional talk therapy like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy are useful for helping us think differently about a situation, but sometimes our bodies don’t create different feelings just because we’ve been able to think something differently. Somatic experiencing is designed to address this by helping increase an individual’s awareness of their body as a way of reconnecting with their internal experiences (interoceptive, proprioceptive, and kinesthetic sensations) and emotions.

Let’s take a moment to define those three internal awareness terms: 

• Interoception is the awareness of bodily sensations such as heart rate, breathing, hunger, temperature, pain, the urge to use the bathroom, etc. 

• Proprioception is the awareness or perception of the movement and position of the body.

• Kinesthesia is the sensation of movement or strain in muscles, tendons, and joints.

SET increases an individual’s awareness of these internal sensations in response to emotions, and teaches them how to experience them safely.

What Happens in Somatic Experiencing Therapy? 

In a traditional talk therapy session, a therapist will start with the brain—in other words, they work with patients to use cognitive skills to approach memory and trauma. But in Somatic Experiencing Therapy, therapists flip the script and start with the body to work towards the brain, addressing bodily sensations as a path to accessing thoughts, emotions, memories, and trauma. To facilitate this, a therapist might use the SIBAM framework, which stands for Sensation, Imagery, Behavior, Affect, and Meaning. 

Using our earlier example of the friend who canceled social plans, you might start the session by discussing the experience with your therapist, and then use the SIBAM framework to process those feelings: 

• Sensation — how does this memory or experience make you feel in your body? 

• Imagery — what are the sensory impressions from that experience: sight, smell, sound, taste, and touch? 

• Behavior — the therapist will observe your behavioral responses: what is your body language and posture like, as you recall this experience? 

• Affect — how did you display your emotions in the moment (language, tone, speed, and volume) and how are you expressing them now? 

• Meaning — after processing all of this with your therapist, what is your perception of the situation now and what does it mean to you? 

SET can include many other techniques from breathwork and dance, to bodily awareness, resourcing, titration, and pendulation. At Empowered Connections Counseling, our therapists will work with you to find the right combination of techniques to suit your needs and goals. 

What Are the Benefits of Somatic Experiencing Therapy? 

SET can be beneficial for anyone with a history of: 

• Trauma and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

• Grief

• Anxiety

• Substance abuse disorders

• Chronic pain

• Neurodivergent conditions such as autism (more on this below)

Each of these experiences can contribute to emotional dysregulation, or trigger one of the four fear responses: fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. Emotional trauma and the memory of that trauma can instigate fear responses, well beyond the point where the individual is exposed to the trauma, and cause both cognitive and physical symptoms that make it hard to function normally, from confusion and difficulty concentrating, to irregular heart rate and difficulty breathing. 

The outside-in approach of SET that starts with the body to access thoughts and memories of trauma helps teach the body that you are safe, even when you approach a stressful or traumatic memory. 

Another benefit of Somatic Experiencing Therapy is that it builds an individual’s awareness of the connection between their emotions and their awareness of internal bodily experiences so that they can learn to relieve tension and stress in healthy ways, especially when they are feeling triggered.

Somatic Experiencing Therapy for Neurodivergent People: Why It Helps

A common experience among neurodivergent people with different diagnoses is a heightened experience of body sensations due to sensory processing differences. These sensory processing differences can be related to our five outward senses, such as sensitivity to noise, bright overhead lighting, or large crowds, but these sensory differences can also occur with interoception—what we feel inside our bodies, such as the physiological sensations of emotions, digestion, or pain. 

No one enjoys feeling emotionally uncomfortable (anxious, sad, angry), but that discomfort can be perceived as extra scary or threatening if you process sensations differently. So while a neurotypical person may be able to experience a heart rate increase related to anxiety and go about their daily lives with minimal disruption, a neurodivergent person may experience that heart rate increase and not be able to focus on anything else. 

Somatic experiencing therapy can be a useful therapeutic tool for helping neurodivergent individuals learn to experience these uncomfortable body sensations safely and release tension or stress in healthy ways. 

Somatic Experiencing Therapy in Chicago

When we learn how to safely connect our bodily sensations with our emotions and memory, we can better release the stress and tension that keeps us experiencing contentment and joy. Somatic Experiencing Therapy can be a powerful therapeutic experience to help you enjoy your life and relationships. If you're curious about whether SET is right for you, or you're ready to give it a try, reach out. At ECC, we're committed to helping our clients find the right therapy approach and therapist to help you thrive. 

About ECC: 

Empowered Connections Counseling is a practice of licensed therapists providing quality, multidisciplinary counseling for adults, children & teens, relationships, and families in Chicago and across Illinois. Whether by in-person session or via telehealth, we work with clients to find the therapist and treatment methods that best suit their needs. Connect meaningfully with your life by booking an appointment today.

What is Neurodivergent-Affirming Therapy?

You've probably heard or seen the term "neurodivergent" come up in conversation online and offline in recent years, and you may even identify with the term yourself. In a society that often stigmatizes any behaviors that deviate from what is considered neurotypical, being neurodivergent can be an exhausting experience, and the healthcare system, including psychotherapy, hasn't always been supportive of neurodivergent people. Yet new approaches to therapy are emerging for neurodivergent people, what's known as "neurodivergent-affirming therapy." In this post, we'll explore what neurodivergent-affirming therapy can look like, why it's important, and how to know if it's the right fit for your needs. 

What Is Neurodivergence? 

The term neurodiversity was coined by Australian disability rights activist Judy Singer. According to the Cleveland Clinic, neurodivergence or neurodiversity are nonmedical terms that describe the variations in human neurology that impact how the human brain works. People who are neurodivergent experience different strengths and challenges than those who do not have those neurological differences. Although some people who are neurodivergent may have medical conditions, learning disabilities, and other conditions, others may not have a medical condition or an identifiable diagnosis. Autism, Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder (ADHD), Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, clinical depression, and learning disorders, are just a few examples of types of diagnosable neurodivergence. 

By contrast, neurotypical is a nonmedical term used to describe people whose strengths and challenges are not affected by a difference that changes how their brain works, according to Cleveland Clinic. 

Ultimately, these nonmedical terms aim to empower people with neurological differences to identify and embrace those differences, rather than trying to suppress or hide them. 

What Are The Risks of Psychotherapy That is Not Neurodivergent-Affirming?

Historically, the healthcare system has not been helpful to or supportive of neurodivergent people, and neurodiversity was not respected as a natural part of the human population. From institutionalization, to surgical procedures like lobotomies, to shock therapy and over-medication, treatment of neurodivergence was centered around suppressing symptoms and forcing conformity to socially acceptable or “neurotypical” behavior. Traditional psychotherapy or “talk therapy” as it is better known, also encouraged conformity to neurotypical behavior.

These treatments were the culmination of what’s known as “neurotypical bias,” or using neurotypical behavior as the standard for mental health, which causes harm to neurodivergent people by exacerbating the mental exhaustion and stress of masking their symptoms, as well as by over-pathologizing behaviors that aren’t harmful. Therapists with neurotypical bias tried to correct a client’s behaviors such as stimming, without understanding how the behavior was interconnected with the client’s neurodivergence, or that the behavior might have been an attempt to self-regulate or cope with uncomfortable sensory experiences. Neurotypical bias is still very prevalent within the mental healthcare system today, but thanks to the work of Judy Singer and many medical and mental health professionals, a shift to neurodivergent-affirming therapy is underway. 

What is Neurodivergent-Affirming Therapy? 

Rather than trying to suppress behaviors and symptoms that deviate from what is considered neurotypical, neurodivergent-affirming therapy is a therapeutic approach to treatment and overarching philosophy that neurodivergence is not something that needs to be fixed or corrected, but rather something that can be seen as a strength, even with its challenges. 

There is no one modality that is considered harmful or helpful when engaging in neurodivergent affirming therapy. What is most important is how a modality and related treatment interventions are applied. Neurodivergent folks often experience frustration with providers that don’t take the time to understand why a certain intervention or approach isn’t working and this can lead to clients choosing to disengage from therapy that could potentially be helpful. 

With a neurodivergent-affirming approach, the therapist collaborates with the client to figure out a modality that feels right for them, and use it to build on their individual strengths. Common goals often include building a better understanding of the client's specific experience of neurodiversity/condition, cultivating acceptance and self-compassion, and developing individualized coping skills to manage distress related to functioning in a neurotypical society. 

Every person expends energy trying to fit in with our peers and social norms, and often neurodiverse individuals can have increased difficulty navigating this, from trying to mask or hide their symptoms, to trying to decipher social cues, to experiencing sensory overwhelm, and so many other reasons. In neurodivergent-affirming therapy, the therapist works with the individual to identify how this manifests in their daily life, and how it impacts their relationships, their work and school, and more. 

Similar to trauma-informed therapy that recognizes the unique impact of trauma on an individual’s mental health, or LGBTQ-affirming therapy that recognizes the unique impact that a person’s sexual or gender identity has on an individual’s mental health, neurodivergent-affirming therapy is a form of cultural competence. Neurodivergent-affirming therapists are working to be aware of potential biases, understand the nuances of neurodiversity, and trust the client’s own experiences. 

The Benefits of Neurodivergent-Affirming Therapy

The fundamental benefit of neurodivergent-affirming therapy is that it works with the person’s brain, rather than against it. The therapist works with the client to discern when different behaviors are healthy self-regulations, versus maladaptive. 

Another benefit is the self-trust and acceptance that it builds in clients as they learn to embrace and build on their strengths. Each person’s experience of neurodiversity will be unique, and it can be very healing to explore those aspects in a therapy setting where that is affirmed and celebrated. 

Neurodivergent-Affirming Therapists in Chicago

Moving through the world as a neurodivergent person can feel like an emotional rollercoaster, at times exciting as you realize how uniquely your brain functions, and other times exhausting as you face engrained social biases and misunderstanding. Having a safe space to explore these experiences with a therapist who trusts your perspective can help you build self-acceptance, confidence, and contentment. 

At ECC, we have several therapists who offer neurodivergent-affirming therapy, applying multidisciplinary methods from Acceptance and Commitment therapy, to expressive art techniques, to somatic experiencing, Dialectical Behavior Therapy, and other methods to create a unique experience suited to each individual’s needs and goals. 

If you’re looking for neurodivergent-affirming therapy in Chicago, Empowered Connections Counseling offers treatments for individuals of all ages. Reach out today to book an intake session.

About ECC: 

Empowered Connections Counseling is a practice of licensed therapists providing quality, multidisciplinary counseling for adults, children & teens, relationships, and families in Chicago and across Illinois. Whether by in-person session or via telehealth, we work with clients to find the therapist and treatment methods that best suit their needs. Connect meaningfully with your life by booking an appointment today.

5 Tips for Managing Social Anxiety

At one point or another, most people will experience embarrassment and fears of acceptance, but for some, this experience is much more acute. For a person with social anxiety, going to a party, having a one-on-one conversation with a stranger or acquaintance, or joining a new social circle through work or school can induce panic and uncomfortable physical symptoms such as sweating, flushing, increased heart rate, racing thoughts, and more. The acute anxiety and dread may even lead people to avoid certain situations to their own detriment, making life hard to enjoy—limiting their relationships, as well as professional or recreational ambitions. But there is help for people living with social anxiety! If you suspect that you have social anxiety, you do not have to manage it alone. Read on for tips and information about how social anxiety can be treated through mental health therapy. 

What is Social Anxiety? 

One of the most important things to understand about social anxiety disorder is that it is a mental health issue, not a personality trait such as shyness or introversion. According to the American Psychiatric Association’s DSM-5, criteria for social anxiety includes:

• Persistent, intense fear or anxiety about specific social situations because you believe you may be judged negatively, embarrassed or humiliated

• Avoidance of anxiety-producing social situations or enduring them with intense fear or anxiety

• Excessive anxiety that's out of proportion to the situation

• Anxiety or distress that interferes with your daily living

• Fear or anxiety that is not better explained by a medical condition, medication, or substance abuse

Social anxiety is also distinct from conditions like agoraphobia, although they are both anxiety disorders with some overlapping symptoms, like avoidance and staying home. Whereas agoraphobia is a fear of being in a place that will trigger panic (e.g., an elevator), social anxiety is relational–it is a fear of being embarrassed or offending others, or being rejected by others.

When to Seek Professional Help for Social Anxiety

An estimated seven percent of American adults have social anxiety, with 75% experiencing the onset of social anxiety symptoms as teenagers. If you’ve noticed an increase in the volume and intensity of anxious thought patterns in the last few years since the COVID-19 pandemic, you aren’t alone — it’s estimated that social anxiety disorders rose more than 25% globally since 2020. 

When your social anxiety begins to interfere with your everyday life, it’s time to seek professional help from a mental health provider. For example:

• If you are frequently avoiding social situations at work, school, or with friends and family

• If you are unable to participate in activities you enjoy or want to do

• If your anxiety is causing you to have trouble sleeping or concentrating 

• If you are struggling with maladaptive coping behaviors such as alcohol or drug abuse 

• If you have feelings of self-loathing or even suicidal thoughts because of your anxiety and isolation

• If you experience physical distress such as panic attacks, headaches, chronic pain, or digestive issues when you are in a social setting, or anticipating a social event

You do not have to manage this alone. A trusted mental health professional can help you, in person or virtually. 

Types of Therapy that Can Help Treat Social Anxiety

There are a few different therapeutic approaches that a therapist may try to help treat your social anxiety: 

• Mindfulness meditation during therapy sessions can be very helpful when it comes to treating social anxiety because it teaches you how to relax your mind and your body.

• Art therapy can also be very beneficial to treating social anxiety because you can learn how to regulate your emotions through art, which can also help relax your mind and body. Art therapy can also be utilized at home in moments when social anxiety is present.

• Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): CBT is a form of talk therapy, and through it your therapist can help you learn to identify specific thoughts, emotions, and behaviors that are fueling your distress. From there, you can begin to explore those feelings and reframe them into more helpful beliefs.

A multidisciplinary approach to therapy can combine different approaches like mindfulness and art therapy practices with more traditional forms of treatment like CBT to give clients multiple tools and skills to access in different situations where social anxiety comes into play. 

For some people, social anxiety is very acute. In cases where mindfulness, art therapy, or CBT are not enough to effectively manage social anxiety, a therapist will refer the client to a psychiatrist who can prescribe medication.

5 Tips You Can Try Right Now to Ease Social Anxiety

Social anxiety disorder can leave people feeling helpless, but there are steps you can take to disrupt anxious thought patterns, find confidence, and connect with others. Below are some tips that may be helpful to ease social anxiety:

• Challenge your negative thoughts: Sometimes it can feel as if you have no control, but when you challenge negative thoughts, it can disrupt the flow of anxiety and give you time to pause, notice how irrational they are, and dismiss them. Here are a few questions you can ask yourself to disrupt negative thought patterns that fuel anxiety: 

• Is there evidence for my thought? 

• Is there evidence contrary to my thought? 

• What would a friend or loved one think about this? 

• Will this matter in six months? A year? Five years? 

• Work on your breathing: When you feel anxious, your body can experience an increased heart rate, pounding chest, muscle tension, sweatiness, along with other physical symptoms. By learning how to slow down your breath you can ground yourself to calm your nervous system and your anxious thoughts. For example, box breathing is a simple but powerful technique to help regulate your mind and body when you’re feeling anxious.

• Be kind to yourself: Dealing with social anxiety is not easy, and sometimes it can feel frustrating to struggle to interact with others; however, remind yourself that nobody is perfect, and that you should not feel embarrassed. Give yourself the same grace that you would give to others. 

• Talking to others can be hard when you are dealing with social anxiety; however, by challenging yourself to interact with others you can start to build positive experiences and the emotional resilience to feel comfortable and confident. 

• Bring awareness to your environment by using your five senses by naming: 

• 5 things you can see 

• 4 things you can feel 

• 3 things you can hear

• 2 things you can smell

• 1 thing you can taste
  

Social Anxiety Therapists in Chicago

At ECC Chicago, we’re committed to working with patients to find the right therapeutic method and therapist to suit your needs. Our diverse group of licensed therapists offer a multidisciplinary approach to social anxiety treatment, often combining different mindfulness, art therapy and somatic practices, as well as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy to suit our clients’ unique needs. We will also refer you to a psychiatrist for additional support if we think a medication prescription will be beneficial in treating a condition like social anxiety disorder. 

If you’re struggling with social anxiety, ECC Chicago is here to help. Reach out to schedule an intake session today. Together we can help you connect meaningfully with your life. 

About ECC: 

Empowered Connections Counseling is a practice of licensed therapists providing quality, multidisciplinary counseling for adults, children & teens, relationships, and families in Chicago and across Illinois. Whether by in-person session or via telehealth, we work with clients to find the therapist and treatment methods that best suit their needs. Connect meaningfully with your life by booking an appointment today.

What is Emotional Over- and Under-Functioning?

Does the dynamic between you and your partner feel imbalanced sometimes? Like you’re the person in the relationship who works hard to express your emotions, while your partner shuts down at the first sign of conflict? Or maybe the opposite is true: you’re the partner who has a hard time expressing yourself, because when you’re in conflict with your partner, their emotions can feel overwhelming. Maybe one of you does more of the labor in your relationship—managing finances, scheduling appointments, making plans for holidays and gatherings—while the other seems to do the bare minimum? One way to understand this dynamic is through the framework of emotional over-functioning and under-functioning. In this post, we’ll walk you through this framework and how it can be useful in a therapy setting to repair dysfunction and find healthier ways to communicate.

What is Emotional Over- and Under-Functioning?

Emotional over-functioning is when a person takes on the emotions, well-being, and responsibilities of those around them and tries to manage those things as a way of managing their own anxiety or insecurity. Emotional over-functioners are typically very responsible and reliable for those around them, but often at their own expense.

Emotional under-functioning is when a person struggles to gain awareness of or articulate their emotions. They might struggle to regulate themselves in conflict and lash out, or they might shut down and have a hard time engaging with another person to resolve the conflict.

These concepts draw from the Bowen Family Systems Theory, developed by psychiatrist Dr. Murray Bowen, which offers valuable insights into family dynamics and how they shape our behavior and interactions with others. It also draws from Attachment Theory, which theorizes that our earliest bonds with our primary caregivers shape the way we relate to others for the rest of our lives, dictating our “attachment styles” and how we respond in conflict.

When emotional over-functioners and under-functioners match and become partners, it can initiate what is known in Attachment Theory as an avoidant anxious cycle that is very frustrating for both partners. The anxious partner may feel constantly on-edge and insecure about the relationship because of the avoidant partner’s emotional distance. By contrast, the avoidant partner may feel overwhelmed by the anxious partner and pressured to engage, making it even harder for them to discern and articulate their own feelings and needs. The result is that in conflict, the partners feel misunderstood by each other, and like the conflicts are repetitive, with no clear resolution or change.

How Does Gender Socialization Play a Role in Over/Under-Functioning?

Who has the emotional access, language, and ability to express their feelings and in which contexts is inextricably linked to gender and the norms reflected in broader society. I often ask clients, “when was the last time you told someone that they hurt your feelings?” Men usually can’t recall, while women can usually recall something in recent memory.

Women are often taught to express their feelings by crying or talking them out with a confidant, while men are often socialized to suppress their feelings. Women are also often socialized to be caregivers, performing administrative tasks that make the lives of their loved ones easier from dishes and laundry, to scheduling appointments. In other words, the gendered expectations within families, schools, and religious institutions socialize women to be over-functioners who feel the burden to take on the responsibilities of everyone around them, while men are socialized to be under-functioners who have a harder time expressing their feelings and sharing the load of caretaking within their relationships.

Among high conflict couples, this might manifest as a female-identified partner who complains that their male-identified partner “seems robotic” or “doesn’t express emotions or talk about things with me,” while the male-identified partner might complain that “her emotions are so overwhelming and make me shut down.” Yet in my therapy work, I often see a paradox: women ask for emotional availability, but they don’t know how to see or acknowledge their male partner’s emotions and become reactive, angry, or turn away from him, thus perpetuating the cycle and further entrenching gendered dynamics. A lot of male-identified partners don’t believe that anyone wants to hear or see their emotions, and that comes from a valid place.

The work of healing the dynamic between over- and under-functioning partners can often involve deconstructing harmful gender stereotypes and expectations that have negatively impacted the individuals, and the relationship.

Taking Ownership of Your Relationship Dynamic

While these dynamics can be deeply frustrating, acknowledging it is a great starting point for taking ownership of it and working together toward change. In a therapy setting, a counselor or therapist can work with you and your partner to identify the different dynamics at play in your relationship, such as over-functioning/under-functioning, attachment styles, and more. Then, they’ll work with you to practice changing the dynamic, utilizing Emotionally Focused Therapy approaches, or other similar modalities. Here’s what that can look like:

Step 1: Name the dynamic. For this couple, when the male-identified partner tries to express himself when they are in disagreement about an issue, the female-identified partner becomes overwhelmed and doesn’t want to hear his perspective. He’s learned over time that if he talks about an issue, her emotional overreaction will be so overwhelming that he’s not going to come away from that conflict feeling understood. The therapist will work with the couple first on naming this dynamic and identifying the roles they play as the over- or under-functioners, and then practice new communication strategies to change the dynamic.

Step 2: Changing the dynamic. The goal is to help this couple find balance in their relationship, so that both partners feel heard and understood. The female-identified partner who often talks more in conflict with her partner is going to practice regulating herself in the therapy session, because over-functioning is a sign of dysregulation. She’s going to talk less so that the male-identified partner who has a hard time articulating himself (either by shutting down or lashing out), can talk more and feel more confident expressing his feelings.

Another example of practicing changing the dynamic is to walk through scenarios where the over-functioning partner usually exerts control. For example, if one partner typically schedules all the appointments, manages the majority of household tasks like dishes and laundry, and makes plans with their partner’s family and friends, a therapist will work with the couple on allowing the other partner to take ownership of these responsibilities—even if it means that they might fail. The goal is to allow the under-functioning partner to experience the natural consequences or disconnection of not having someone to do it all for them. This makes space for the under-functioning partner to fail or be imperfect, to create change and grow on their own. For the over-functioning partner, this also creates room for personal growth: when they’re not taking on the responsibilities of their partner in addition to their own, they’re not showing up in their relationships as stressed out or resentful. Together, the partners can rebuild trust and understanding.

Normalizing the Impacts of Change

As meaningful, tangible change begins to take place between the over- and under-functioning partners, there is often a new period of distress or blowback, even though the change is positive. For example, as the under-functioning partner takes on new responsibilities and learns to be more self-sufficient, the over-functioning partner might feel shocked or frustrated that their partner was, in fact, capable of things that they always allowed their partner to do for them. Or, they might feel a sense of sadness over not feeling needed in a way they’ve grown accustomed to. It’s important to normalize the impacts of change: your reaction is a natural part of the change process, and you can learn to manage your conflicting feelings. Therapists will work with couples to normalize the jumble of feelings and communicate to each other through the transition.

Relationship Therapy Near You

Managing conflict and making space for each other’s feelings is the hard work of being in a relationship. When we’re in disagreement with our partners, we’re often reflecting many systems and dysfunctions that were taught to us, from dynamics within our families of origin, to gender expectations, and more. Untangling these influences and recognizing how they impact us can help us take ownership of our experiences and struggles, and choose new ways of connecting and communicating with our loved ones.

At Empowered Connections Counseling in Chicago, our therapists support all types of romantic relationships—straight, LGBTQIA+, monogamous, polyamorous, partnered, married, divorced—as well as individuals who are single, healing from heartbreak or loss of a partner, or recovering from intimate partner violence or betrayal. Together, we can help you find the right therapist and therapy approach to forge healthy, meaningful connections in your life. Reach out today to book a session.

About ECC:

Empowered Connections Counseling is a practice of licensed therapists providing quality, multidisciplinary counseling for adults, children & teens, relationships, and families in Chicago and across Illinois. Whether by in-person session or via telehealth, we work with clients to find the therapist and treatment methods that best suit their needs. Connect meaningfully with your life by booking an appointment today.

What Is A Systems Therapist? Q&A with ECC Intern Therapist Riley Brennan

“I don’t believe in anything being a ‘personal problem,’” says Riley Brennan, our current graduate intern therapist who is completing her Master’s in Couple and Family Therapy at Adler University. In her Q&A on our blog today, Riley shares what it means to be a systems therapist: someone who works with clients to consider the system influences that impact their mental health, from family and friends, to workplace dynamics, religion, and politics. Keep reading to find out why she finds this framework helpful for connecting with clients.

Riley BRennan, MA, BA

Graduate Intern Therapist

What inspired you to become a therapist? 

My path to becoming a therapist was perhaps a bit untraditional. I have previously worked jobs in sexual violence prevention and response, sex education, and childcare. In their own way, each of these opportunities helped me consider ways to support people navigating the difficult situations and conversations of life, and they all led to being a couples and family therapist!

If there’s one thing you could say to a person thinking about starting therapy for the first time, what would it be? 

Welcome! You’re not too old or too young, too early or too late, too independent or too needy, too stubborn or too weak to be here; you’re right on time and exactly where you need to be. This is your journey, and you’ll get as much as you give.

You describe yourself as a systems therapist – can you talk more about what that means and why you find it helpful as a therapist? 

I don’t believe in anything being a “personal problem.” As a systemic-trained therapist, I look for the ways people have been influenced by and have influenced other aspects of their lives such as family, friends, coworkers, religions, politics, etc. We learn our behaviors and values from the things around us, so to truly understand a problem and work to change it, we have to be willing to look at the family/social/world systems we are part of. 

This approach is helpful because it can free you from the responsibility and shame of being or having a problem; it’s not all you! We can all take responsibility for problems and we can all work together to make them better. This provides opportunities for real, lasting change.

You mention in your bio that you’re especially interested in working with teens and parents of children, can you talk more about why? 

Teens are an overlooked population for therapy. Not enough therapists are willing to work with them, likely because they are developmentally not quite independent but still able to make choices for themselves that can have a major impact on the rest of their lives. Teens experience a lot of change, big emotions, and opportunities, and they deserve a judgment-free, supportive place to talk about their lives. As a former “troubled teen” myself, I don’t scare easily, and I know there can be a light at the end of the tunnel.

Parents are often unsupported in our society. People are still expected to have kids without necessarily knowing what parenting is like! Research and theories (and social media) on parenting practices have transformed popular opinion on the best ways to parent, making navigating challenging behaviors all the more confusing. Parents deserve informed resources to learn and explore what is best for their own families, and I am excited to be part of that support system.

What are the books or other resources that you recommend most to clients? 

Oh goodness. I read a lot, so I love to talk about books. I recommend Like a Mother by Angela Garbes and Expecting Better by Emily Osters for prospective or expecting parents. Equal Partners by Kate Mangino is excellent for unpacking the balance of labor in domestic relationships. The Ethical Slut by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy is life-changing for exploring relationship configurations and perspectives on love. Finally, The Rabbit Listened by Cori Doerrfeld is wonderful for children (and adults) facing big emotions, and Bodies are Cool by Tyler Feder is beautiful for children (and adults) to learn about body diversity.

What are you reading / watching / listening to right now? 

I’ve been listening to the Off Menu podcast in which comedians talk about their dream meal. It’s funny and lighthearted, so it’s great for unwinding. I listen to Paris Paloma’s feminist indie music on repeat. I have been reading romance (mostly fantasy romance) like my life depends on it for the past year, and I am simply obsessed.