Am I Doing Boundaries Right in My Relationships?

Am I Doing Boundaries Right in My Relationships?

Boundaries have become a frequent topic of conversation both within therapy and outside of it: on social media, in the workplace, between family members, between friends. It’s important to create clarity in a relationship about how you want to be treated, and how you want to treat others. But it’s hard work to set healthy, effective boundaries in your relationships, especially if you grew up in a family or a culture where your needs weren’t considered, or you watched a parent or caregiver navigate life without setting healthy boundaries for themselves—with you, with another adult or family member, or maybe even their job. 

It’s especially hard to set boundaries when you’re holding misconceptions about what boundaries are in a relationship and how they work. 

Today’s Problem - Yesterday’s Survival

Today’s Problem - Yesterday’s Survival

Imagine the first time a client enters a therapist's office, revealing years of self-medicating trauma and anxiety by way of alcohol and drugs. Shame hangs heavy in these moments, with the focus fixed solely on breaking free from dependence and addiction. Yet, as therapists, we are attuned to a deeper truth - that these problematic behaviors were once functional survival mechanisms, borne out of pain. The troublesome coping skills you are faced with today at one time served a crucial purpose. 

Addressing "Unsolvable" Problems in Relationships

Addressing "Unsolvable" Problems in Relationships

According to Dr. John Gottman’s research, 69% of problems that relationships face are actually perpetual or unsolvable problems. The good news is no you are not doomed for, and no you are absolutely not alone. What are examples of unsolvable problems might you ask? Many involve personality or character traits that are simply not changeable, but can also be the very parts of your partner that you fell in love with. They can also include core value topics like politics and religion.

Here are some tips for healing conflicts in your relationship.